Portia and Ellen: More WTF (Baby Edition)

Practicing the "fake baby bump caress"
for the cameras.

So I've been wondering (maybe a little too much, and my friend Jones would probably agree) about the whole rumor mill cranking out conjecture about Portia de Rossi and Ellen Degeneres's on/off divorce plans.

Now I'm finding that the couple has answers to these problems they're having.

There was one quick fix announced in the form of a move into a "luxury condo" (read: the entire top floor of a building) in Beverly Hills.

The second, more disturbing fix to their marital woes announced? That they're going to start a family. According to one misguided cheerleader, "a baby could be exactly what the two need to patch things up."

Isn't this supposed to be the worst way for a couple to save a marriage - by bringing an innocent human being into the mix?

Especially after the tenacious rumors about de Rossi's recent stint in rehab and Degeneres's alleged infidelity and their mutual tendency to take part in screaming matches precipitated by de Rossi's insecurities and Degeneres's supposed control-freakiness, it seems that raising a baby together would not be the best idea either woman has ever had.

Another entertainment blog cites Degeneres's main qualification for being a parent thusly: "Whenever Ellen encounters a baby, she has them laughing in seconds because she starts making funny faces and doing her cartoon voices with the kid."

Oh, well then! I stand corrected. Considering how hard it is to make a baby laugh (see evidence below), and how a baby's laughing correlates directly with how useful said baby will be in saving a marriage, I guess there's only one road to travel for these two.

Still, it could all end up like that old Hoodoo Gurus song, "Death in the Afternoon" if you ask me.